I understand that consistency is imperative to any successful blog. Apologies to my readers for my 4 week sabbatical. During the past month, I have left my home in Atlanta for good, started my last year of college, and been praying for the new chapter I have just entered.
Usually, I can write about something everyday. But for some reason, a majority of the month of August, I would just lay in my bed with Grey’s Anatomy (usually in my feelings), feeling uninspired to write –which is (on my better days) my favorite thing to do. So, I didn’t understand what I was feeling. Why can’t I write? Why can’t I give my readers what they want?
Many times, I think bloggers like myself feel the need to only display our good days. We want our readers to feel good when they read our articles and stories, often forgetting that it’s okay to be transparent about our bad days as well. Even though I clearly have a “trials” tab on this blog, I mostly want to shed light on the good that happens in my life. I personally believe social media has a lot to do with that. You know how everyone’s life pretty much looks perfect on Instagram and Snapchat? And obviously, it isn’t. Yeah… But, I’m back to reality and realize that it’s okay to express to you all what’s happening in my life, whether good or bad, because I’m human. After all, you could be going through the same things.
Well, sometimes we go through trials and don’t even realize they’re trials until we come out. That’s what has happened to me.
Beginning a new chapter is exciting, but honestly, it’s frightening. I’ve only allowed my positive feelings about my journey to manifest throughout the past month, burying any negative thoughts I’ve had in the back of my mind. I did not realize that God himself was working through me, preparing me for something very new.
Life can be so bittersweet. I remember my mother telling me and my younger brother 7 years ago, that my father received a pastoral job in Atlanta. At the time, we lived in Hampton, Virginia on the campus of Hampton University, where my father served as chaplain. I was graduating from 8th grade and excited to begin high school, and my brother was preparing to begin middle school. When I heard the news, devastation took over. I was livid. I remember thinking, “Why do we have to leave our perfectly good home here? Why do I have to leave my friends?” I spent the rest of that summer (of 2008) and the whole next year – my first year of high school, angry at my parents.
After I got over my anger, I enjoyed my high school experience, developed lifelong relationships, and even after I came BACK to Hampton to attend Hampton University, I grew to love Atlanta, and it became my home. I never thought we would leave Virginia, but we did. Once we got to Atlanta, I thought “This is it. We’ll be here forever.” So eventually, I made the best of it. But as always, God had other plans.
Fast forward to about a month ago.
I’m packing up and leaving “home” once again. My father received a wonderful job offer, again, in Washington, DC., which is indeed closer to my original home, Virginia. So I’m happy, and thankful. However, it’s starting to sink in that everyone and everything I grew to love and appreciate in Atlanta, I’m leaving. But this time, I don’t have the comfort of knowing I’ll be under my parents’ roof for the next four years, or that I’ll still be coming home to my bed and my mom’s home-cooked meals everyday. This time, I’m beginning my final year of undergrad, anticipating graduation, making sure I meet all graduation requirements, applying for both grad school and jobs, thinking about how life is about to completely change on me. This time, the real world is waiting.
With all of these intimidating thoughts crowding space in my head, I had no room for any positive thinking. I couldn’t get myself to produce any “good” writing for you all. But, I forgot who I was for a minute. What’s a little change to a queen? Now that I’ve allowed my faith to overpower my fear of what is to come in my life, I’m ready to get back up and make the best of this journey.
My mind is open to all of the new knowledge I will gain in this year and the years to come, my body is prepared for my continued walk by faith; not by sight, and my soul is on fire for all things new.